You would think this is easy to define especially in the sexual arena, it’s connecting with someone – fucking them, being fucked – having another person inside you, sheathed – mouths meeting in passion overwrought and overcome. Yet, it’s not about the enmeshment of body parts per se but the mentality behind it, how you feel whilst conducting a private battle zone.
I’ve often been accused of being an intense lover, indeed i’ve had dates that were so put off by what they divulged to me, those secret yearnings and longings that they couldn’t handle the thought of me invading their head. Never mind they didn’t get to bed me, just the fact that some intrinsic layer was pulled away for my scrutiny became too hard to continue whatever liaison may have ensued. Is it because i’m a reincarnation of Kinsey or Jung, hardly. I think it’s because there are the people that don’t look beneath particularly within erotic moments and then there are those that want to get you naked emotionally. Let me tell you, emotionally is a far more vulnerable place to be.
Think about bdsm, blindfolds and being tied up, it’s the trust and intimacy there between the (hopefully) willing subject and the person doing the tying that makes it hot. You can hand over every longing to another person and be completely bare boned in your desire. There is so much at play behind the scenes, the knowledge that you allow another person to touch you, to release inhibition and to be this close that your mercy is at the core.
It’s also as much about eye contact, one of the sexiest and in some ways intimate things you can do is to meet someone’s gaze or to sit on your lover’s lap and look into them, not in the polite way the ‘i wanna see who you really are’ kind way. Don’t get me started on how good it is to have a man inside of you, with his mouth inches from yours and his eyes connected with yours. There becomes no place to hide, desire is mirrored and hands become entwined. Hence why mirrors are great for positions where the woman in particular is able to see her lover’s face whilst being pistoned….. we are visual creatures also.
I’ve also pondered that half of man’s collective sexual problems is the inability to say our innate desires, to have the intimacy with someone else to say what they truly want. For some it’s risky enough to say they are bi-curious or long to do something considered deviant like water sports or dressing up in women’s clothing. It takes a lot of courage to just ‘be’ especially if you’re culture or background does not have liberal leanings. We spend half our lives figuring ourselves out to just hide or shun it, this will always puzzle me.
If there’s one major criticism of porn it’s the lack of intimacy or connection, particularly for women. Raunch is one thing, but the subtext behind it, to sense that the people involved have respect and longing for the other person(s) involved makes it far, far sexier. It’s why when i do watch porn and head straight for the male/male aisle i fucking love the men that kiss, yes i love seeing them suck cock, i love the pounding – the passion and the stamina but give me a touch of intimacy along with that and i’m wrought beyond belief.
As for ultimate intimacy to me, funnily enough i have two, one is being able to cry with joy during sex and the other; allowing someone to sleep cuddled up next to me. To share my body whilst i sleep is beyond rare, i tend to unknowingly kick anyone away lest they make me feel claustrophobic or weighted down. Cuddles are awesome, but i like to be unfettered during sleep.
What makes intimate sex to you readers? do you prefer intimacy and raunch be separate bed partners or is the mingling a good thing??