I tried to lose myself in
the sea of other lips
liquid enveloping the void
where my heart should be
I tried to tell myself
the worship of my body
was an ending to missing you
the distance between our
yet never truly relinquished
i tried to pretend with every new lover
that i was content
with the push and pull of desire
every time i came
it was to the image of your face
no matter – who was buried within
i tried to not feel
to bury the embers of our want
and hidden escapades behind me
i tried lover
yet when my finger tips
still of night
it’s you i try to reach
Ok, i didn’t trek around Nepal or hunt blue tarantulas in the brazilian rainforests – my danger was one of the world of dating and far more hazardous. I had some online friends tell me i needed to share my supposed insights and experiences with the blogging world. So with trepidation here’s my summation. Cue indiana jones score or maybe the Darth Vader sequence.
There are a lot of lonely, weird little people out there and i think i kinda met all of them in my forays in the past twelve months. We had “Desperate Man who wants kids…. NOW’ the guys that like baby mad women are asking about your eggs and future children’s names in the first 30 minutes. News flash, not all women want or can have your spawn (i mean progeny) and if I feel like i’m an egg donor rather than a person i’m not getting hot for you. Sure, having plans for the future and committment is great but people like a slow unravelling rather than laying out your cards too early. Mystique i believe it’s called.
Then i encountered ‘Weird man that gets turned on by dumb things’ i really do have a magnet for the unusual which is good in some respects but bad for dating. Being asked if i would meet someone dressed up in drag when i commented i was open minded was not per se ‘kosher’ and indicative of my face resembling me trying to work out how to assemble an ikea package. Besides – if you have a fetish for women wearing moustaches then one has to wonder if you really want a woman??? I like hats sure, but fake moustaches um well i’ll leave that erm – halloween parties and random dress ups. Then there was the guy that wanted to meet me wearing pyjamas, sorry but there is dorkalicious and then there is ‘ewww’.
I even went out of my comfort zone a few times and asked out some men in person – it is not easier for women to do this and does NOT guarantee success may i just say. Ok, i may have gotten nervous and said some weird ass things at times and then hurried off but dudes you dont make it easy! Touching the arm, mimicking behaviour whilst flirting with me about action movies and then acting surprised when i ask for a **gasp** drink is just poor. It’s hard enough for women to approach men the least you can do when this rarity occurs is to be polite unless your neck is ravaged twilight style.
One of my finest moments i think was going up to a gorgeous man reading alone and just saying ‘Hi… you don’t know me, but i just had to say i think you’re beautiful just immersed in that book… not hitting on you or asking for your number but have a great day’ and then walking off with a coy smile. Did he chase after me and ask for my details, hell no, but it was one of those spontaneous moments where i didn’t let my inhibition stop me. I bet that man still remembers it as a random yet meaningful compliment and that is kinda cool.
I also like the gender dynamic of shouting men drinks/meals instead of this outdated notion that men should be obliged to ‘provide’ on a date. Feminism is great but it doesn’t mean ladies should have an ad hoc approach to it, if it gives us fertility rights, childcare, a world free from harassment and equal pay then it should also apply to dating. We’re not in the 1950’s yet some of my gender expect men to still do the same outdated behaviour, it’s just not logical. Surely a middle ground is good for dating, so neither person feels taken advantage of obliged to compensate for a lovely meal but poor conversation.
Do i have any tips for men to date women – be nice but not desperate. don’t use money to compensate for manners or good conversation as it weeds out the high maintenance girls quickly. Have some parts of you left to unravel, you want to give enough to make her come back for more. Read her body language to gauge if a kiss or more is on the cards, if she faces you and lessens the distance physically she’s into you. If she touches your arms, or hands and keeps playing with her hair and mouth she’s into you. If she removes her panties under the table whilst you eat she’s either a closet exhibitionist or tease and you’re probably lucky!!
I guess it’s just as hard for women to date and play the game as it is for men, we want to be attractive and intelligent and liked for or our vulnerabilities rather than pumped and dumped. It’s probably why this year for me is about writing and travelling – besides i got to see my favourite celebrity crush in person this year Sean Astin – that will suffice my dating desires for a while….