So I’m watching Can of Worms on olde Channel Ten tonight and the topic of sex has come up again, which is great as i like a good old debate on ethics, feminism and women’s sexuality. The question directly asked was
‘Does “mummy porn” set women’s liberation back 40 years?’ please discuss.
Weeeelllllll, so glad you asked for my opinion as a feminist and lover of erotica. Firstly, women especially mothers are sexual, the fact that women have dual roles as carers and hornbags hasn’t dissipated. It’s just that society expects once you have got the shagging done and reared some offspring the mouth you kiss your children with should not suck cock anymore. It’s a stifling attitude to expect that mummy’s should be virtuous paragons of ethics and chastity despite the fact they had sex quite a bit to conceive. Newsflash, mother despite lack of energy and time are still sexual creatures.
I remember being very young and overly curious about my mother’s lingerie cupboard, i liked the lace and frills and nighties. I even walked out with a pair of her crotchless knickers in my hands once and told her they were broken or torn, much to her disgust or embarrassment. In my mind she had a pair of faulty knickers, as an adult i want to chide myself for being that nosey. Looking back, i’m glad she probably had an active sex life in her early adult life despite being a working mother, as we all have many roles in our lives, sexuality is one major facet.
The book that shall not be named is being touted as putting women’s liberation and establishing mummy porn in the last 12 months. Hmmm, forgive me for being a smartass but where the fuck have people been? Story of O ring a bell anyone? um yes, there are proper erotic or pornorgraphic novels that have been read and enjoyed and studied for many, many years. It’s not a new phenomena, so when women start agitating that bdsm erotica in particular espouses abuse it’s (a) uneducated and (b) invalidates the sexual choice for women to be submissive.
BDSM is all about choice, intimacy and power. Now, i have no sub leanings whatsoever, i’m strong willed and dominant to boot, but i choose this. I relish the fact that in my normal job i have no desire to lead, manage or dominate in a busines sense. It’s hard work for little reward. Sexually however i adore fucking a man’s head, body and soul slowly and with great care and respect. It’s not abusive or about me hurting anyone, and i am lucky to have the confidence to make this choice.
The flip-side of course is that women also get off on being dominated by their lovers, the rope on their skin, being told they are a ‘dirty, dirty girl’ being made to submit. Does it then equate to said woman being less feminist or abused, hell no. It means she likes being teased and tormented without having to think, to hand over the reins for a little bit. If she’s an adult and finds it a turn on, then that is what sexuality and power is all about.
What i find disturbing is that so many women (and husbands) think this one book is the penultimate guide to sex or intimacy, that some state it’s rekindled their desire to read and to fuck lovelorn husbands. To them i want to say ‘Read better literature….. written by women for women’ honestly, if you can get turned on by a virginal asshat with no life or spirit then imagine what good literature will do for your libido. Better yet, start writing some of your fantasies on paper, it’s liberating and cathartic all at once.
Back to the crux of the argument/debate, literature isn’t the damaging thing to women’s liberation, it’s the amount of young men brought up with lack of respect towards women or healthy discussions about sexual ethics with young people. This is one of the first generations of the digital age that ‘learn’ from porn found on sites like RedTube, that do not know that women do not like anal pounding or ejaculation on their face and that sexual respect is about caring for the body and emotions of another human being whilst being safe. Thus what happens is that i know of girls as young as 14 at local high schools that sleep around and get video taped on smart phones to be liked by their peers. Sexual health isn’t discussed because condom use is not advocated and let’s face it does a 15 year old really think of gonorrhea, herpes or other sexual diseases?
Hence why i’m starting open dialogues with my nieces even the young ones about sexual ethics and self respect, and that when they are older i want them to be open to talk to me about safe sex, or hormones and contraception and the wealth of good information out there on sexuality.
And if i see the afore mentioned books in their possession at any time, it’s getting binned and i’ll make them go back to Roald Dahl novels in a bid to recapture their innocence.