Evening lovelies, confidantes and sneaky readers. I’m home in my cookie monster pyjamas listening to the raging wind outside thinking of the complexities of the universe and connections. I’ve been on cam a little bit more lately being my usual sarcastic self, debating those with sub par intelligence and explaining that ‘bb’ isn’t really a term of endearment.
Here’s the second journal entry from the employed smart ass Goddess.
I’m contemplating this very moment that many younger, less worldly performers really have no idea about eroticism or how to interact. I enjoy watching others when i’m not on cam, I view them and how they are spoken to both for the perv factor and to gain insight into how viewers speak to cam workers. How manners and ethics work on the interwebz is vastly different to ‘reality’ with a clear difference in what some perceive as acceptable to a pixellated form as opposed to a real life person.
There are a lot of fake women, not she-males mind you just women who clearly do not have the skill to tease. It takes no imagination to stand nude to spread your legs, it takes charisma and communication skills with your audience to connect on more than just a base level. You see the tricks being played out, and what irks me is the amount of women who play dumb to earn money and the men who splurge on it like being a vacuous whore is a thing to reward. The giggles, the little girl voices and the incessant ‘awww babe’ sheesh, how does anyone think it’s anything but a ploy. There is a lot to be said about being authentic and true. Plus, when a woman states she is Australian and is clearly in a different time zone and knows nothing about the culture it makes me frustrated.
What i do notice is that unless you show your face you are never going to be a big player in this field, men may love the pussy but they love the face and have a mouth/oral fixation more than most realise. The younger and prettier you are, the more you smile the more you entice. Half of these girls don’t appear to care that their videos are uploaded every day and should they ever want to work in certain jobs or let alone have children in 10-15 years time the decisions of today will likely bite the in the ass at some point. My guess is that there will be high numbers of popular girls that will only find the repercussions in years to come, sad indictment but society hasn’t progressed too much with sexual ethics.
Would i have done this at 18, hell no. One: i was much too shy, virginal and self conscious, and two i definitely wasn’t into the idea of being looked at in a sexual way. Think reader of how you evolve sexually, are you the same lover that you were ten or five years ago, probably not. You meet lovers and find new parts of yourself, different ways to explore, not everything you liked stays the same, you add different textures and desires.
How some do not seem to mind being called vulgar and abusive things i dont know, maybe they have thicker skin than me, but i find myself having to bite my tongue or i end up shaking my head. Sure, you get the random ‘show bobs’ or ‘peee bb?’ and it’s harmless enough in it’s unoriginality, but there is a darker element to some that comes out because of the anonymity sites give you being a viewer. I had someone last week literally type ‘I want to rape you’ in big letters on my screen, no hello, no pretense just that one stark, disgusting sentence.
How did it make me feel you may ask?
Well – it made me feel shocked, disgusted and then angry all in a space of a nano second. What is more incredulous is this lout had a profile with his face showing on it, so i took a copy of the picture for my own voodoo doll. Seriously, i’m going to meditate to all the Goddesses of justice and ask that his ass get kicked and his penis drops off. Rape and the collective propogation of abuse saddens me no end, and to think there are those who either honestly get off on it or think joking about it is funny is just mind boggling. I didn’t find it funny to have that line written to me, it didn’t make me smile or laugh or feel an honest connection with another human being capable of pain or empathy. For that moment i felt like i was a cunt with a zipped up pair of lips because i didn’t matter, my wants didn’t matter and somehow being nude made it ok to say those things.
Moments like that are ingrained in in my head, you go to sleep with a bitter feeling in your heart and you tell yourself it’s just words but they still hurt. Words hurt.