To tease at midnight

Just lounging around with sensual thoughts.

the Domme’s netted thighs, just a glimpse, a morsel to conjure upon many fantasies.

Compliments make me blush

Well, got a compliment from a male colleague today that i look adorable.  Unexpected and i actually thought he was talking to someone else.

Has made my day, even if I’m still blushing.

Never underestimate the power of a kind word.

the balcony i wish upon

I like the contrast of the red in the dress against the blue surroundings.

And, it’s nice to feel the elements on your skin, even in winter.

Splash of pink

More erotic songs …

I am in a very physical mood, I just have to be moving, to be dancing and lilting and the hip swaying to songs.  So, here are my picks of this cold, winter’s day to stay warm and inspired by.  First one is new, melancholic, haunting and a video clip that I adore.

 

 

It’s both sad and sweet, lingering and uplifting all at once.

Secondly, Marvin Gaye old man why did it take me soooo many years to work out you did this sexy little number (and no not Sexual Healing) I feel a bit like a bohemian 70’s chick listening to this. Better yet, it was a single the year I was born – good vintage one could say.

Thirdly, the sassy Etta James’ ‘I just wanna make love to you’ i identify with the sensual, feisty woman in the song (well ok, aside from the staying home and cooking like a good kept woman) who wants to take care of her man in all ways. The saxophone, the drums and the earthiness of the lust described and the notion of happiness moves me. Plus, whether most of us will admit it, a good sex life contributes more to our well being and mood than we would like to admit, especially when it’s with someone that matters.

There’s something about the naturalness of old era songs that grabs me, they’re lyrical and heartfelt. And when they want sexy, sensual times there’s no shyness about it, just a raw honesty that strikes me as missing in a lot of music today that is overthought, over stylised and remixed ad nauseum.

I’m your canvas

Cyan paint over skin, stark, translucent over pale mounds

lascivious hues over my canvas

you wanted a landscape

and instead of a frame, I painted myself

i’m a work of art beloved

priceless

a private showing for one

 

how will you watch

how will you learn

stroke

by

stroke

 

I could be Monet, I could be fucking Warhol

for the moment

i’m your private masterpiece

and you

 

you are the painter

Paid to be a smart ass – eins, zwei, drei…

Evening lovelies, confidantes and sneaky readers.  I’m home in my cookie monster pyjamas listening to the raging wind outside thinking of the complexities of the universe and connections.   I’ve been on cam a little bit more lately being my usual sarcastic self, debating those with sub par intelligence and explaining that ‘bb’ isn’t really a term of endearment. 

Here’s the second journal entry from the employed smart ass Goddess.

 

I’m contemplating this very moment that many younger, less worldly performers really have no idea about eroticism or how to interact.  I enjoy watching others when i’m not on cam, I view them and how they are spoken to both for the perv factor and to gain insight into how viewers speak to cam workers.  How manners and ethics work on the interwebz is vastly different to ‘reality’ with a clear difference in what some perceive as acceptable to a pixellated form as opposed to a real life person.

 

There are a lot of fake women, not she-males mind you just women who clearly do not have the skill to tease.  It takes no imagination to stand nude to spread  your legs, it takes charisma and communication skills with your audience to connect on more than just a base level.  You see the tricks being played out, and what irks me is the amount of women who play dumb to earn money and the men who splurge on it like being a vacuous whore is a thing to reward.  The giggles, the little girl voices and the incessant ‘awww babe’ sheesh, how does anyone think it’s anything but a ploy.  There is a lot to be said about being authentic and true.  Plus, when a woman states she is Australian and is clearly in a different time zone and knows nothing about the culture it makes me frustrated. 

 

What i do notice is that unless you show your face you are never going to be a big player in this field, men may love the pussy but they love the face and have a mouth/oral fixation more than most realise.  The younger and prettier you are, the more you smile the more you entice.  Half of these girls don’t appear to care that their videos are uploaded every day and should they ever want to work in certain jobs or let alone have children in 10-15 years time the decisions of today will likely bite the in the ass at some point.  My guess is that there will be high numbers of popular girls that will only find the repercussions in years to come, sad indictment but society hasn’t progressed too much with sexual ethics.

 

Would i have done this at 18, hell no.  One: i was much too shy, virginal and self conscious, and two i definitely wasn’t into the idea of being looked at in a sexual way. Think reader of how you evolve sexually, are you the same lover that you were ten or five years ago, probably not.  You meet lovers and find new parts of yourself, different ways to explore, not everything you liked stays the same, you add different textures and desires. 

 

How some do not seem to mind being called vulgar and abusive things i dont know, maybe they have thicker skin than me, but i find myself having to bite my tongue or i end up shaking my head.  Sure, you get the random ‘show bobs’ or ‘peee bb?’  and it’s harmless enough in it’s unoriginality, but there is a darker element to some that comes out because of the anonymity sites give you being a viewer.  I had someone last week literally type ‘I want to rape you’ in big letters on my screen, no hello, no pretense just that one stark, disgusting sentence.

 

How did it make me feel you may ask?

 

Well – it made me feel shocked, disgusted and then angry all in a space of a nano second.  What is more incredulous is this lout had a profile with his face showing on it, so i took a copy of the picture for my own voodoo doll.  Seriously, i’m going to meditate to all the Goddesses of justice and ask that his ass get kicked and his penis drops off.  Rape and the collective propogation of abuse saddens me no end, and to think there are those who either honestly get off on it or think joking about it is funny is just mind boggling.  I didn’t find it funny to have that line written to me, it didn’t make me smile or laugh or feel an honest connection with another human being capable of pain or empathy.  For that moment i felt like i was a cunt with a zipped up pair of lips because i didn’t matter, my wants didn’t matter and somehow being nude made it ok to say those things.

 

 Moments like that are ingrained in in my head, you go to sleep with a bitter feeling in your heart and you tell yourself it’s just words but they still hurt.  Words hurt.

Lace and attempted sass

The new haircut… I rather like it. Still as tousled as ever.

Leap into the unknown

Well, i may be a creature of habit but i quit my dead end job today. Fifteen years of drudgery is enough.

I’m scared, exhilarated, empowered and brave.

If Cookie Monster can become ‘Biscotti-San’ then I shall endeavour to learn something new also! Without taking risks nothing changes. Nom, nom, nom. Brought to you by the letter ‘B’ (for brave)

Paid to be a smart ass – part two

Ok, as promised here is the journal entry that I wrote from the first few weeks as being an online Domme (female Dominatrix for the folk that don’t know).  I should point out that I initially only did private chats in this role as I thought it would be less demanding and intrusive.  I also liked the aspect that it was more about the mental psychology than spreading my legs but in reality being entrusted to fantasies and secrets was far more challenging than even I anticipated.

Anyway… here is the first entry – enjoy!

Making the decision to be a paid Domme on the internet has been life altering, it’s taught me that I am driven and passionate and want to enjoy my life’s purpose of being creative.

 

It may sound hard to fathom to anyone but myself but being in charge of the pleasure and submissiveness of another is highly emotional work, it’s draining and empowering and touching all at once.  You sit there watching the body of someone else and in the same way you watch over a child, you mentor them and try to give them what it is they want, deep deep down.

 

I’ve always enjoyed being in control, sexually i’m intense and playful and i have often been told i’m hard to read and always, always working out the mind of the person in my gaze.  It’s as much about tearing off the layers to see someone naked in front of you and accepting them as it is to bring pleasure to someone else.  Both are rewarding and gratifying in their own ways.

 

I could tell you about the people i’m meeting on this new journey – some are attached, in fact three of my subs are and all sought out my services for different reasons.  L is happily married, naturally effusive and polite (natural sub qualities one might say) and has a medical condition that prevents him from having sex until he can increase his pain tolerance.  It’s strange to feel in a small way i’m helping him to fuck his wife again one day – would she approve probably not but there’s still that spark of joy knowing he’s trying to become whole again to have sex with his partner. ….. I tell him he’s a weak little man that’s going to train him to fuck his wife – let me tell you all kinds of strange thoughts go through my head working out the semantics of it.  Always with a cheeky smile on my face.

 

What strikes me about married men seeking to be dominated is the reluctance of asking those who know them most intimately for it: it’s an interesting find that if they were more fulfilled they wouldn’t be seeking my assistance but i feel sad there are so many people not asking for what they want out of fear or of risk of offending their parter.  Would women deep down want to know some of the things my subs ask for – to be called ‘cunt, slut, sissy boy, whore’ would they flinch when a man says they want you to pee on them or in their mouth to drink you down.  Probably for a lot of people, yep they would baulk and assign judgement or feel somehow offended.

 

I bet you want to know the naughty, crass, details of what men want – how they feel about it, if it lingers in them deep inside.  Bdsm is a complex thing, there are sub genres and fetishes and all kinds of things that people won’t admit to liking.  Some guys want you to call them names, verbal humilation and put downs to punish them.  I wonder if its because they want to please or if they want to be spanked, tortured or hit???  I can’t say it’s easy to use that language at times, to say things you’re normally taught hurts others, that’s half the appeal i guess because it is not approved in most instances.

 

In the space of a week i’ve been asked to sissify or feminise a man, to fuck another up the ass hard, yet another wants me to make him take my pee and worship my ass.  There’s a lot of ass worshipping in this domain can i just say people, the desire to taste, reach up into that puckered land and explore.  Who am i to judge??

 

One guy has asked if I would be comfortable watching (order) him to hammer nails into private parts and I didn’t totally discount it.  There is one part of my  mind going ‘Gigi… what the fuck!’ and another side thinking it would be curious to see if he is all talk or just wants to roleplay it.  I’ve kept my answer non committal but have said i’m more into the verbal/mental aspects than harm as I have no desire for anyone to end up going into an emergency ward or explaining injuries to their other halves and facing an awkward conversation.

 

Are there things i’ve been asked to do i find strange – yes – to masturbate with cheese (i dont even want to go there….) to sticking panties up my ass and slowly pulling them out.  Half the time i wonder if anyone has such fetishes then i realise that it’s a big universe and people are fucking strange.