The new haircut… I rather like it. Still as tousled as ever.
Well, i may be a creature of habit but i quit my dead end job today. Fifteen years of drudgery is enough.
I’m scared, exhilarated, empowered and brave.
If Cookie Monster can become ‘Biscotti-San’ then I shall endeavour to learn something new also! Without taking risks nothing changes. Nom, nom, nom. Brought to you by the letter ‘B’ (for brave)
Ok, as promised here is the journal entry that I wrote from the first few weeks as being an online Domme (female Dominatrix for the folk that don’t know). I should point out that I initially only did private chats in this role as I thought it would be less demanding and intrusive. I also liked the aspect that it was more about the mental psychology than spreading my legs but in reality being entrusted to fantasies and secrets was far more challenging than even I anticipated.
Anyway… here is the first entry – enjoy!
Making the decision to be a paid Domme on the internet has been life altering, it’s taught me that I am driven and passionate and want to enjoy my life’s purpose of being creative.It may sound hard to fathom to anyone but myself but being in charge of the pleasure and submissiveness of another is highly emotional work, it’s draining and empowering and touching all at once. You sit there watching the body of someone else and in the same way you watch over a child, you mentor them and try to give them what it is they want, deep deep down.I’ve always enjoyed being in control, sexually i’m intense and playful and i have often been told i’m hard to read and always, always working out the mind of the person in my gaze. It’s as much about tearing off the layers to see someone naked in front of you and accepting them as it is to bring pleasure to someone else. Both are rewarding and gratifying in their own ways.I could tell you about the people i’m meeting on this new journey – some are attached, in fact three of my subs are and all sought out my services for different reasons. L is happily married, naturally effusive and polite (natural sub qualities one might say) and has a medical condition that prevents him from having sex until he can increase his pain tolerance. It’s strange to feel in a small way i’m helping him to fuck his wife again one day – would she approve probably not but there’s still that spark of joy knowing he’s trying to become whole again to have sex with his partner. ….. I tell him he’s a weak little man that’s going to train him to fuck his wife – let me tell you all kinds of strange thoughts go through my head working out the semantics of it. Always with a cheeky smile on my face.What strikes me about married men seeking to be dominated is the reluctance of asking those who know them most intimately for it: it’s an interesting find that if they were more fulfilled they wouldn’t be seeking my assistance but i feel sad there are so many people not asking for what they want out of fear or of risk of offending their parter. Would women deep down want to know some of the things my subs ask for – to be called ‘cunt, slut, sissy boy, whore’ would they flinch when a man says they want you to pee on them or in their mouth to drink you down. Probably for a lot of people, yep they would baulk and assign judgement or feel somehow offended.I bet you want to know the naughty, crass, details of what men want – how they feel about it, if it lingers in them deep inside. Bdsm is a complex thing, there are sub genres and fetishes and all kinds of things that people won’t admit to liking. Some guys want you to call them names, verbal humilation and put downs to punish them. I wonder if its because they want to please or if they want to be spanked, tortured or hit??? I can’t say it’s easy to use that language at times, to say things you’re normally taught hurts others, that’s half the appeal i guess because it is not approved in most instances.In the space of a week i’ve been asked to sissify or feminise a man, to fuck another up the ass hard, yet another wants me to make him take my pee and worship my ass. There’s a lot of ass worshipping in this domain can i just say people, the desire to taste, reach up into that puckered land and explore. Who am i to judge??One guy has asked if I would be comfortable watching (order) him to hammer nails into private parts and I didn’t totally discount it. There is one part of my mind going ‘Gigi… what the fuck!’ and another side thinking it would be curious to see if he is all talk or just wants to roleplay it. I’ve kept my answer non committal but have said i’m more into the verbal/mental aspects than harm as I have no desire for anyone to end up going into an emergency ward or explaining injuries to their other halves and facing an awkward conversation.Are there things i’ve been asked to do i find strange – yes – to masturbate with cheese (i dont even want to go there….) to sticking panties up my ass and slowly pulling them out. Half the time i wonder if anyone has such fetishes then i realise that it’s a big universe and people are fucking strange.
Have i mentioned an intense love of cards??? Makes sense being a wordsmith. They are probably the one thing I would save in a house fire apart from myself!
This i got from my friend Trish, it’s cheeky and says a lot about my friends coming to me for questions about what a merkin is and that ilk.
Out of curiosity, who says buck naked???? I always use butt naked lol.
Have I got your attention with my tagline??
I’ve wanted to write about this specifically for a while but been hesitant and a tad anxious to do so. In the interest of being explorative and perhaps a little analytical I thought i’d share my experiences from being a webcam provocateur most of last year.
Some of you reading already know this, and for not judging me and adding to my creativity firstly, thank you.
I have read a plethora of women’s experiences on being a paid performer or sex worker; couple that with an innate sense of tease and curiosity I literally one day stumbled onto a website (which shall not be named) and went on to chat and have some fun. Within a week I was literally getting asked for private webcam sessions, Domme sessions and to mail my panties across the other side of the world. Crazy shite!
There were a few mixed emotions I had to contend with before deciding if I would actually earn some extra money doing this, would I feel ‘exploited’ or owned, would I lose respect for myself. Did I have a grasp on the emotional aspects of being seen and perceived in such an intimate way. Never mind the more sinister aspects of harassment, stalking or those who would undermine me because they dislike women. I’m glad to be a deep, thoughtful person and not one to take things lightly as being in the webcam domain although fun can have long lasting repercussions.
So…. onwards I started my paid foray into being a webcam Goddess. I gathered a loyal but niche following, rather like a arthouse foreign movie that gets rated highly but only watched by a select few. I didn’t mind not being hugely popular, I built a gorgeous little group of men and women who would be my confidante, my voyeurs and my clients. Clients…. such a concept still makes me chuckle.
I will start by saying I describe myself as ‘antithesis of bimbo’ and that in my room, my rules are paramount. That’s the biggest reason for doing it bar none, having control over my own domain and getting money for it. In making my own rules and boundaries I dictated how I was treated and the hours I worked. The shift in actually being a bossy, smart ass but fair entertainer was very, very cool.
How may you ask did I entertain the masses… well, ironically I made more money in my trackies than I did in glamorous lingerie. Something to be said about a woman comfortable in her own skin than hundreds of dollars of leather or lace. Not that I didn’t vary it up, I loved dressing up as a school girl or greek Goddess, I also wore wigs, and stockings and boots and leather. It was nice to play dress ups to an appreciative audience and find out what people notice. Apparently I have a lush mouth, and an awesome ass, messy hair and soft skin. It hasn’t made me feel more or less self confident but just shows that people like a range of things, some little details are all that matters like a nice full mouth.
I seem to attract a subclass of men and women who like sass and naturalism. I’ve surprised the fuck out of many guys thinking that all cam girls are uneducated or gold diggers. I also have had people in stitches due to being a smart ass. Being able to take a troll and make them feel pretty damn stupid before booting them is incredibly good, especially the ones who know next to nothing about ethics or psychology. The amount of times a guy would sprout off stuff about my nails being fake would make me laugh hysterically, as anyone who has ever seen me knows I have the best natural talons in the world.
The first three months were brilliant, I was living a double life of boring day job and coming home to become this sexy creature. I made a conscious decision to tell my closest friends what I was doing albeit over a few glasses of wine and all were supportive and curious. Not having to cope with small minded judgments made the experience much easier, no hiding and being able to share funny or touching moments made it less sordid.
The nitty gritty details of what I would do on cam are that I was happy to tease, to undress or dance, to sometimes shower (with a mask on), but no feet fetish work, no vegetables, no shaving, and no face. After perusing what some women will do I quickly established I was not going to lose all sense of ethics or respect to turn some douchebag on that didn’t give a shit about how the experience would affect me.
I even did a few journal entries I will share in the coming week for added insight. There was the idea of putting it together for a book, but I think i’m content to keep it confined to the blog instead of airport reading.
So that’s the initial teaser to lure you in, i’ll laud you all with more details next entry and share some stories and reflections. I am still on cam, but only on the rare occasion now and having a long break whilst I study and concentrate on other things. I do miss my two favourite viewers, especially one lovely lady in New Zealand who has stirred my bi-curious leanings no end.
On that note, I go to bed with pleasant thoughts….
quirky, original erotica. Me likey!
He is steady asleep beside me and has been for quite some time; laying in the very same spot, very same position as in every other night. It’s as if each night is a continuum. Knowing that he isn’t a corpse next to me is rather telling. His peculiar breathing alludes to more than death happening within him. He is the only individual I know who snores in proper “dream vernacular” – whatever that means. It makes sense, to me at least, that I have used it as I have for sometime.
I’ve come to enjoy the very nights where sleep is too great an effort. I spend them listening to that intriguing breathing. Wondering if he is announcing a dream in which the fun to be had is better than the rest gained from sleeping bodies. The intimately-familiar sounds are reminiscent of the good times we’ve shared. I relive…
View original post 568 more words