Freedom

Well it’s my first week of my new start in life, and I am profoundly happy.  It is true that the only limit to your mind is the walls you conjure for yourself….

I’m loving exercising more, sleeping in and meditating.  I cannot stress enough how vital it is to quiet the mind when you’re an overthinking, sensitive empath like myself.  If you are interested in such things i’m a INFJ personality type, the rarest of all types.  Which is very cool and explains why I have often felt a bit misunderstood or ignored by more sociable, logical types.  It also in some ways correlates to my need for secrecy and to be in control sexually, interesting to ponder upon.  So for all those who wonder why I can be very talkative and yet tell you I am introverted, read up and you’ll perhaps understand the dichotomy better.

Why is this so important right now, I guess when you’re in a state of flux or exploration in any way you can look within or outside of your self.  I as per normal look within to guiding forces and what drives my passion and service.  In embracing change I’ve finally decided to be a bit more courageous and to really be of service to others creatively.

I’ve been back on cam a bit more and as per usual trying to work out the masses and individual leanings, i’m still fucking amazed how you guys can find a hoodie so mysteriously alluring.  At least i’m not going to have to break the budget with such low expectations of fashion!  If you read the subtle byline here that I still can’t perceive myself as being that sexy then yeah, you’re on the mark. 

Classic line in the cam room this week has been ‘Can you fart in a bottle and post it to me bb’  hmmm… top marks for originality, It did make me chuckle due to the imagery provided.  I’ve also found a few new kindred spirits to converse with over literature and spirituality, and it’s lovely.  The erotic and deep longings are all intertwined for me, none of this separatism bullshit.

And I found a new movie I love, Warm Bodies – a zombie alternative romance comedy.  I think i’m always going to be drawn to warm, but bottlenecked male characters that yearn for more beneath the surface.  It’s cute and made me feel all warm and fuzzy watching it so have an open mind and enjoy.

Lastly, i’m feeling blessed that with all my free time i’m able to dance naked more (blinds drawn… in case you were wondering) whilst playing music.  The reason I think some people are free in their bodies sexually is that they let go with movement, if you like to dance and sway and relate to sensations then there’s a high chance you are in touch with your sensuality and how to use it.  Plus, it makes you feel super good.  I dare you to try it, go on put on some retro disco and shake it!!

 

 

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Utterances and oddities

I’ve mentioned i’m sapiosexual yes, the use of words and verbs lilting and suggestive turns me on no end.  The brain power of making me laugh with double entrendres and nuanced meanings beget a little smirk and head tilt.

I do wonder why so many people don’t rate the (lost?) art of communication and seduction higher.  Yes I get that trust is vital, you want a lover or partner to be invested in you emotionally and not walk away at the drop of the slightest inkling of a challenge.  Trust also lends to more intimacy in sex especially in a bdsm setting, but how you get there usually begins with conversation.

So, when invariably some man in my chat room comes out with a ‘You talk too much’ or

‘Open boobs’  (sorry, no breast surgery today folks)  they totally miss a good opportunity to learn how to connect, how to improve their sex life exponentially.  These are the same men that complain about women being only concerned with themselves yet ask only  inane, repetitive questions.  They are also the same ones who are deeply unsatisfied with sex.

Seduction starts with making someone laugh, making them smile and importantly, making them think, deep long and hard.  See, even that sentence made you visualise something else completely did it not?  Such is the art.

You conjure images with words, with shared connections and longings and the feeling of being a collective instead of on the outer.  In a world where there is so much division and emphasis of belonging or being excluded you can have such a positive impact with sharing simple moments, small pleasures.  Just talking about what art moves you can take the love of colour and creativity to a new experience. 

And really, isn’t life about connecting with the joy with others as we find ourselves?

I am lucky to get the chance to indulge my little fetish of intelligence as often as I do, without actually taking any risks.  There are some very sexy ladies and men who stimulate the senses.  Never mind the list of books and music I have found due to recommendations from others, it’s like having my own personal shopper sometimes.

It’s the greatest of compliments when someone tells me I have made them think of the world a little brighter, or made them smile at a witty quip.  A small part of my vernacular and my attitude imprinted and had an impact.  In a little way this is a thank you from me to all the people that help me to be the smart ass, the poet, the tease and the mysterious Goddess.  You read and comment, and inspire, challenge and believe in me even when I have doubts. 

So as I retire I am thankful for the opportunity to get into your heads, maybe share a fantasy or two and to be inspired by your collective words, nuances, humour and shared visions.  And I have started a page of classic quips to compile in a later blog entry. 

Thus far we have the classic ‘Are you naked’  – well er no, i’m fully clothed just chatting.  Maybe he had a braille computer, I know not. 

You know i’m kinda a big deal….

I’ve gone from the elation to despair this week and cannot wait til my last day at work which is 15 days away… the title is a reference to Ron Burgundy from Anchorman and one I have been uttering most of the week in jest.

Had a brilliant interview two days ago, told I was shortlisted out of 170 applicants, and then my current team leader advised me yesterday upon a referee check when asked about my attendance had (correctly) advised them i’d had ‘issues’ but was otherwise a great candidate.  I until that moment had thought I had this new job wrapped up and was feeling positive.

There are times I honestly feel no matter how hard I’ve worked, how skilled I am and how much healthier I have become since overcoming depression five years ago that it still causes a black mark and the inopportunity to create new beginnings or at least to create them easily.

That said, I face the realisation that I may be an unemployed student and blogger for a longer time than anticipated, if that is the case you’ll be hearing from me more regularly!! 

Don’t mind the short term hiatus, i’m just testing my resilience and coping mechanisms.  I’m a talkative introvert, so i’ll recharge my batteries and spend time in thought.

With love,

G