Strange secret santa

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My secret xmas present, a box of tea bags….never let it be said my admirers are not original.

Thank you o green tea purveyor. A gift to calm my mind perhaps????

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Q & A and holiday greetings.

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Happy holidays bitches.

Fuck it’s hot down under…. hence I’m writing this perched on my couch in nothing but some cute cotton knickers listening to music.  I’ve just finished my Counselling course for the year and love it, it’s the most rewarding study and exploration I’ve done in my life thus far.  Downside is of course the time required to read and think of my evolvement into a therapist has left my brain in a new mode rather than conjuring erotic stories.  In about twelve months time I should be a qualified Counsellor, and in all likelihood I’m wanting to run my own private room, oh the power! 

Anyways, you know as a woman it’s the festive season because all of a sudden you get men crawling out of the woodwork who you met once years ago trying to hook up with you because of desperation.  And they are always the ones you least wanted to hear from, ugh.  I have a close friend who had an online conversation with a guy I met once hmmm two years ago that insisted to her I would be interested in seeing him again….this guy I recall didn’t shower before meeting me and had ridden home on his bike so was smelly. I can forgive some things but being sweaty before you meet a potential lover the first time, nup.   Needless to say my friend didn’t pass on my email or number and said I wasn’t impressed with him two years ago let alone now.  So, if you’re going to hook up over xmas, make it someone new and put in a little bit of effort! 

If you’re single or out of contact with family due to circumstance be gentle on yourself as this is the time people are most likely to feel desperate or a disconnect with others sadly.  One of the worst Christmas times I had was overseas when a long distance relationship broke down and I was alone on Christmas, so I understand the feeling.  Though the upside was that I did have a cold, white Christmas with snow so it wasn’t all bad! 

I have been making a list of questions that peeps online and on cam have asked me to answer on this blog, so I thought what better time to answer them!  Thanks to those who inspired me to mull over things. 

Q:  You say you’re an introvert, but why are you such a smart ass and talkative on cam?

A:  Hmm, I’m a mercurial one.  You have to remember that as far as personality and facades go, being a provocateur on cam is just one role to my being.  The interesting thing is that behind a cam and half hidden you can conjure up more bravado than you would in a room full of strangers.  I am a definite introvert, the fact I need long breaks to myself tells you that.  Extroverts get energy from others.  Introverts get energy from recharging in privacy or quiet surroundings. 

Q:  You say you’re bi-curious… explain??

A:   Without coming up with some bullshit story, I like women for many reasons, the emotional intimacy and bonding.  I don’t lust after lots of women, just a few crushes here and there.  Have I been involved with any women, yes just one and it was more for an emotional connection than physical.  I still dream more about women sexually than men, just the way it is I guess!

Q:  What turns you on and why?

A:  Intelligence, someone that makes me laugh and is just as proficient as kissing me deeply as actual sex.  I love the foreplay aspect of flirting and unravelling and being unravelled.  Sharing a good meal is a huge turn on, keep me well fed and I’m halfway there 😉  Physically, a good smile, nice hands and a mouth that knows how to tease.  I also love to surprise, it’s nice to make a man blush.

Q:  Do you ever get turned on chatting on cam?

A:  Sure!  Those who know my favourite lady viewer Pippi will know I get automatically more smiley and playful when she’s viewing.  I’m human, there have been shall I say some dangerous flirtations online that could have got me into trouble.  Plus there are some awesome conversations to be had about literature and music and philosophy, how can that not attune me into a good head space.

Q:  What are some of the naughtiest sex things you’ve done???

A:   Hmm, well as I’ve mentioned before I’m strictly a one on one girl, so no threesome or group stuff for moi.  Naughty, well… I’ve dabbled with public foreplay or sex just a couple of times and enjoyed it albeit in a nervous kinda way. It was at times high risk but I had a lot of trust with the person I was involved with and it heightened the experience.   I’ve had sex on a beach once, which I thought was a nude beach but I was about 500 metres off… so that was riskier than I knew.  Probably the Domme stuff has been very naughty too, just wearing boots and leather has that effect on a lady.

One of the most erotic things I’ve done was having phone sex with one man and having a fairly submissive guy pleasuring me in person.   It was intellectually challenging and surreal all at once.  To have one man ask detail by detail what was happening was brilliant… aural and oral sex all at once. And one of the best non penetration situations I’ve ever enjoyed.  Not all the best ‘sex’ has to involve going all the way.

Q:  Have you ever cheated or been cheated on?

A:  Yes to both.  Probably going to shock some of you with this answer.  Many years ago in my first relationship I emotionally cheated on my then partner, I was not happy and when I said to my partner I was thinking of taking a break he cried and told me he would likely become suicidal,  I then became involved with someone on the internet and selfishly chose what I thought was an easier option because I didn’t have the balls to end the relationship.  Do I regret my actions, yes absolutely.  It’s the only time I’ve been the heartbreaker and I hurt someone badly.  As for how long did it go on, a few weeks and I then ended my relationship as I hated the guilt and knew if I wanted to be with someone else I needed a clean slate. Did it teach me anything, hell yes.  I gained maturity and more empathy and I swore that if I was ever in the same situation again I would rather end a relationship than add betrayal and lies to the equation.  And fourteen years on, I’ve had good boundaries and empathy in my relationships and never cheated.

As for being cheated on, I could say karma is a bitch.  Having been on the receiving end of it from someone that lied for months on end even when blatantly caught out it sucked.  Interestingly I went from disbelief to psychopathic anger very quickly, I broke down a door with a baseball bat when I found out and then had a breakdown, not my finest hour.  Looking back  what hurt most was the feeling I was somehow lacking sexually or not giving ‘enough’ which really is ludicrous, it’s about how the cheater feels within themselves and what is lacking.  Did I forgive the action, yes but it took me years of self reflection and the longing to not be stuck with heavy feeling for hurt.  I ended the relationship but it took a long time to recover from it.  Ironically, the woman he cheated on me with sends me these weird emails a couple of times a year asking to friend me on various social media platforms.  Why, I have no idea (maybe she wants information or closure or checking if I’m in contact with him) but I’ve not contacted her.

Q:  How does a man impress or woo you?

A:  Aw… how I love the word woo… so old school cute.  I’m a dork so in answering this question, bear in mind I don’t like showy behaviour or presents that are purely designed to be expensive with little thought.  I am impressed by men that actually get to know me, my likes and quirks and remember them.  For example if you know what kind of art I’m into and then find some pictures of said art and email them, that makes me smile at the sheer thoughtfulness.  Remembering I have a love of cards or letters, the quirkier the better is an easy way to impress me.

I dig guys that like to watch movies with me and like to be creative, so that if I want to go to a festival or fringe show they’re excited to come along as opposed to watching sport on tv.  A man that can cook is fucking impressive, as I love food and I think someone cooking for you is incredibly romantic. Lastly, I cannot say enough about emotionally expressive guys, if  you can’t damn well tell me what you want I find that annoying.  If you love someone tell them… don’t use the ‘I Adore you’  or ‘I love that you…’  just spit it out.  When you’re on your deathbed I guarantee people regret not telling those they loved.   

 

Phew, I’m fin for the time being!!   That’s the most writing I’ve done in ages so be grateful.  Love to all of you, may you get what you most want and deserve. 

 

G  xoxoxo